If you are currently involved in online dating you have most likely heard about the recent changes to OK Cupid. These started to trickle out in December 2017 and by now they have been implemented site-wide.
First of all they did away with unique usernames, forcing everyone to use their “first name”. When the first test wave of this came out, there was huge outcry from those concerned about online anonymity. This is a valid concern, especially for those who are in minority populations, such as those who are polyamorous (people can legally be fired for being non-monogamous, for example–it’s not a protected status) or those who, for any number of reasons, may want to protect their identity on a dating site.
OKC quickly back-peddled, and made it clear that you do not have to use your *real* first name–just whatever name you want to be known by on the site.
Ok, fine. At least there’s that.
On the plus side, it is much simpler now to get online and set up a profile and not regret or second guess your choice of username. I can understand this, as sometimes it would take my clients days or even weeks to choose a username that was good and not already taken. It was pretty amazing and entertaining how many baaaad usernames were out there. On the downside, if you had a username that was awesome, you can’t use it any more.
Now let’s get to the more fundamental change OKC has implemented: Messaging.
OKC has done away with open messaging. Killed it. Dead.
This is to protect their female users, who routinely get inundated with low-quality messages and even harassment from male users. I’ve talked with many women who don’t even want to try (or re-try) online dating because of negative experiences they have had. Ultimately, I believe that online dating is the most powerful tool any single person, male or female, has available to find the right partner, but I do understand the challenges. So, with this new change women (anybody, but let’s be real: women) will be able to select who they want to hear from.
Men, this policy change is bad news for you. On the plus side, hopefully it will have the effect of keeping more women actively engaged with using the site. On the downside, this change makes it even harder to reach the women you are actually interested in reaching.
Once again the relatively few bad apples in the mix of men, have poisoned the pot and made it harder for the nice guys. But, hey, you passive “nice guys” out there–yeah, I’m talking to you–this change is effectively forcing you to take action and become involved in the dating process. No, you can’t just put up a half-assed profile and wait around for women to message you. Not that this ever worked for any man I’ve ever met (it does work for young, attractive women, but that’s why we’re having this discussion in the first place). No excuses. You need to be focused, direct and actively involved in this process, or you have zero chance of any connections. Yes, you will need to deal with your fear of rejection. I can help you with that. Set an appointment and we can talk: https://calendly.com/unadrake/juicy-love/
An obvious strategy to help deal with this change to the messaging process is to “like” as many people as possible that you are even vaguely interested in. And send messages. OK Cupid will promote you more heavily to those you have liked AND messaged. But in the end the person you are interested in will have to “like” you first before s/he sees what you have said.
What this means is that it is even more important than ever to make a good first impression with your profile. And what does that mean? Photos. Your photos have to be outstanding. Not just ok. They have to be amazing. And the rest of your profile needs to be strong as well. A great photo will make a potential match pause long enough to look at your profile. It better immediately communicate substance, humor, intelligence…that you are not just a pretty face. You are an interesting person worth getting to know.
If all of this seems overwhelming, you need to be in my Find Your Juicy Love program. This is a six month program designed to help you clarify what you are looking for, get better dates faster, connect and communicate effectively, and become a better person through it all. A key highlight of the Find Your Juicy Love program is my Juicy Love Live Event–a LIVE weekend workshop where I give you personal, real-time coaching, you get a chance to engage in powerful interactive exercises with fellow participants AND you get amazing professional photos taken for your online dating profile.
Please reach out to me directly to learn more:
Make an appointment: https://calendly.com/unadrake/juicy-love/